Everyone has their own idea on boundaries in relationships. On one hand, some feel setting boundaries in relationships is not a necessity, while others feel their partners should already know their needs or wants and be ready to act upon them at any given time (because let's face it; they are mind readers, after all). Communicators in relationships are big on establishing boundaries in their respective relationships and voicing what these boundaries are and their importance of having them.
It’s of value to realize that every relationship needs to have some boundaries, especially for self-care. This is because we are humans, and there is the likelihood of mood changes, personal growth, and individual experiences (like being an only child). The key feature of a healthy relationship is that partners are ready to communicate their boundaries and are willing to respect them.
Getting started – why it is important to set boundaries in relationships
As a woman, it is essential to know why your relationship needs boundaries. For one, boundaries help couples develop positive self-esteem and can also foster trust. This trust makes both parties feel comfortable and give a sense of security in a relationship. This is is because it helps them both understand who they are, their values and beliefs, and what they each want (especially when it comes to personal and professional growth.
Boundaries are also important because it fosters respect and sustain individuality in a
relationship. Each person has a clear understanding of the other. This can reduce the number of arguments, unnecessary squabbles, and allow partners to freely express themselves in a repsectful manner without the other losing the security they feel when it comes to ther emotional well-being.
When it comes to setting boundaries, consider these few tips:
Do not assume the feelings of your partner
People usually think they know everything about their partner. This gives room for assumptions on the preferences of their significant other. So, they make decisions and do things with the assumption that they know exactly what their partner wants. These assumptions lead to misunderstanding and ofter result in arguments or feelings of one controlling the other. Asking is always easier than assuming.
relationship. Each person has a clear understanding of the other. This can reduce the number of arguments, unnecessary squabbles, and allow partners to freely express themselves in a respectful manner without the other losing the security they feel when it comes to their emotional well-being.
Communication of thoughts
Another good step forward with setting boundaries is regular communication. Honesty and respect for individual thoughts and feelings is significant in relationships. This is often the make or break because, here again, we all know our partners are mind readers. It’s only when partners fully communicate and understand themselves that they can begin to express those feelings to others.
Be ready to compromise
First of all, I became aware that the word compromise can be seen negatively. It is in fact not negative at all as long as what you are compromising does not interfere with your morals, values, or self-worth. Setting boundaries in relationships require compromise because the people involved are different and have diverse preferences. Compromise allows growth in experiences (when they are healthy) because it allows you to try things you may not have done or take risks doing things you would normally not have taken the risk to do and find that you love doing it. Let's face it, partners do not always fancy the same things or enjoy doing the same things. And there may be things that each like to do alone so the compromise is to allow that time to the other. Compromise gives both parties clarity to communicate the things they want to share and want.
Do not hurry
Setting healthy boundaries in relationships does not happen in one day; it happens over
time. It happens with growth as relationships evolve. It happens as each gives space to one another to be comfortable opening up to once another. Patience is key.
Setting boundaries in relationships is about feeling responsible for your happiness and understanding of your partners. While it is not always easy to set boundaries, with time each has to be open to setting comfortable boundaries as things come up. Moreover, when you feel like setting boundaries is not working; know when it is time to move on. People who cannot and are not willing to understand boundaries are often toxic, insecure, and selfish (which are all red flags for having healthy relationships). Remember to clearly reveal your limits and dislikes. Also be direct, self-ware, and consider your past and present experiences to ensure they were/are experiences that teach you about yourself and your desires.